Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
