Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
