i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
