I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize