it's like iHOP with fire
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
