my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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