Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
