So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
