did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Randomize
