Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
