The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
