he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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