I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize