Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
