i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
