Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
