I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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