i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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