I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
