i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize