Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
