there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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