i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
