Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
