I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
