At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
