I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
