duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He has the fingertips of a God
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
