He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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