we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
