what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
