If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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