I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were trust falling into bushes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
