There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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