Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
