Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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