imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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