No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
