If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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