Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
