the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
