dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
