I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
