I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
