well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
