the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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