i think i have two assholes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
