I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
