Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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