Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He felt like a one man threesome
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
