I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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