he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
