she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
