i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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