your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In America we eat man semen.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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