at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
