You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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