sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
