yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize