note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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