He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize