I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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