After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
