I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
