you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
