do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize