He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize