and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
