We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A+ Viking dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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