got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
