It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
